Monday, June 21, 2010

Red button

What you are about to hear might startle you and practically amaze you, be prepared, because today I crossed the line that divided reality from fiction. Today I survived in The Twilight Zone...

Today I got adventurous, maybe even death-defying. The ominous big red button on the microwave has been tempting me since I moved in. My roommate and I have really been pondering its true evil purpouse since there is no handbook or fallout instructions. We speculated that perhaps it was the time travel function or perhaps it enlarges things like the machine in Willy Wonka. I am rather fundamentally tech-savvy as well, I had no clue. Therefore, today in my immense boredom, and total curiosity, I took it upon myself to engage the flux-capacitor. Immediately as I pressed it, the world started to shimmer around me. Spectral prisms shone and the power of the microwave immediately transported me to another dimension... My body broke down into billions of particles and I was escorted via frequency. I saw Mars and the Giza Pyramids, I even saw the lost city of Atlantis. You know they even have a Starbucks at the center of the earth?..and a McDonalds on Jupiter. There I ordered a Chicken McNebula and a Meteor Mac w/ Cheese. Who knew that all this time, inside my kitchen, that this button had held all these secrets. The curiosity had turned into astonishment as I was immediately transported back into my kitchen. The pilots climbed back into the microwave and my micro-mac and cheese was perfectly cooked. Unfortunately, none of this was true as the new discovery turned out to be a grill function. That's what the inconspicuous grate at the top of it was!!... I'm sorry to disappoint anyone who thought that this was an actual discovery. Maybe it was and I am under oath by the alien microwave time travel committee. I promise I am not under the influence of anything but an overwhelming amount of boredom and sheer frustration.

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